we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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