I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
