don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
