My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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