He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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