i can't believe i had my finger in that
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
