are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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