i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
