I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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