Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
