When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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