you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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