Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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