we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I would fuck him just for his dog
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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