just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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