that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
