I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
false alarm. still invincible.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
