You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
