It's a beautiful day for a hangover
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
