I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
