I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize