Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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