Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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