I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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