Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
