He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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