I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
