Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
