My brain says no but my pants say off.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize