My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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