Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
