Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
