just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
