Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
