Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize