Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
