sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
