I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
