I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
