i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
