I wannas sexs uuuuu
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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