Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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