I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
