i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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