You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Oh god it's open bar.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
