Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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