Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
