Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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