ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
