blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
