I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
