Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
