i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
