nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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