You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
