I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
