if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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