Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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