good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
