I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
