Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
