I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
