I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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