Your mouth is God's brothel.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
