Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
