btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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