Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
