that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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