I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
