My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
