We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
