Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
