Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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