Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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