I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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